her ta-ta's are gonna get sooo much bigger

The super gorgeous Salma Hayak is pregnant and engaged (isn't that convenient?) to uber-billionaire Francois-Henri Pinault.

Pinault is the CEO of luxury goods firm PPR, which owns Gucci and Yves Saint Laurent, as well as a French department store and national music chain. His father, François, is an avid art collector owning more than 2,500 valuable pieces, including Picassos, Miros and work by contemporary artitsts including Damien Hirst. Familiar on both European and American fashion and art circuits, the family fortune is estimated in excess of $7 billion.
daaaammmmmnnnnn......."Businessman, François-Henri Pinault, and his fiancée, Salma Hayek, are happy to announce they are expecting the arrival of their first child," Hayek's rep confirmed in a statement today.


Penelope Cruz must be so jealous right now. I guess their lesbien love affair had to end sometime. I'm just shocked that I haven't heard of this guy, or their relationship sooner. Do I live under a rock?!?! This is Manhatten, for god's sake!

i quiver in disgust

horizontal strips + two shades of shit + the tired old pigtails + fugtastic face = a waste of m last Lean Cuisine meal


barf barf barf

oh, if i could just be a teensy bit fergalicious.....

here are six reasons i am going to hit the gym/visit Nicole Richie's doctor:





perfection.

Britney: the gay man's Anna Nicole

Britney took a break from rehab to wear a shitty wig in a ponytail (honestly, aren't there some super nice wigs out there?!?!) and drink a Coke. This is news, and you love it.

In other Britney news:

-she thinks she is suffering from postpartum depression and doesn't think she needs to be in rehab

-she is pissed that her manager and family for making her go

-this has brought her and KFed's families together

-Timbaland has said he wants to be her friend, hold her hand, and work with her on her next album - he also talks about saving her

-and MOST IMPORTANTLY, Timbaland has said that Justin wants to work with her and help her too!!!! ahhhh! we're almost there....

....they said that the Messiah wont come until all the Jews are in the holy land, but what I think they meant was "when Britney and Justin are back together."

marketing with Lindsay

Ok, so I figure that these photos taken of Lindsay were taken before she entered rehab. And if not, then I think she should get her money back.
I thought it would be fun to caption each with an advertising tagline, since I think this bitch could sell anything. [Ps: check out the blood up her nose in the 1st pic. That, children, is why limit cocaine use to national holidays.]

The next time a crazy fan is attacking your breasts, make sure your pits smell like flowers and wear "Degree."
The next time some guy splooges in your eye, no need to wink, just use Clear Eyes!

Lindsay Lohan for Joyce Leslie (or Rainbow, Forever 21, Wet Seal...you get it)

Cigarette: 10 cents
Blackberry: $300
Giving Lindsey the clap: soooo priceless

Lindsay cares about world peace, even when she's taking a shit. Donate to the Red Cross.

TrimSpa Baby!


Chopard jewelry: for the classiest of class.

Herpes exists, even under a $2000 dress. Use Trojans.

Katie draws pretty pictures...

uh oh, Tom can't possibly be happy that his beard is doing something on her own. She is such a fighter for women's rights. Katie Holmes: saving the world, one drawing at a time.

3 words: waste. of. space.

one less unemployed person in the U.S.

Star Jones has gotten her big break in Hollywood!!!! And by big break, I mean CourtTV. She will host a show that will apparently combine her legal knowledge and background with her Hollywood knowledge and background. Has anyone actually watched CourtTV since the end of the O.J. trial?!?
Honestly, I think law school is hard. And every time I think of giving up, I think to myself "Star Jones did this....I cannot fail at something she actually completed." So, basically, Star Jones is my inspiration. Plus, she's reaaaalllllly hot.

babies of the world, spice up your life!

Well, Liev and Naomi finally announced their pregnancy...like 5 months in! So, I will take this time to list the other celeb births (and subsequent crazy baby names) that I am eagerly awaiting:

-Scary Spice (Melanie Brown)....so she can prove to Eddie Murphy that he's a stupid prick

-Julia Roberts (I'm guessing a name like Jeremiah or Theodora)

-Baby Spice (Emma Bunton)

-Tori Spelling...meh

-that 16 year old chick from Whale Rider

-Charlotte Church! ahhh


Ok, it's very late so I my brain is locked. If I've missed any, please feel free to mention them in comments.

some dog got the best eat in town for FREE!

Rachael Ray was bitten by a dog in the dog park of Union Square today. She was trying to stop another dog from attacking her own little pussy of a pup. She was bitten on the leg and treated on the scene by a nurse who was present.

Goddamnit! I live and study a few blocks away from Union Square. In fact, I am in Union Square practically each day. I cannot believe I missed this!!! Tomorrow, if you need me, you may find in sitting in the middle of the Union Sq. dog park, with my camera and autograph book in hand. Omg, so depressed I missed this.....

bedazzled!

Ok, so blah blah blah, Elizabeth Hurley married her bf of a million years, Arun Nayar in 2 weddings. Here they are going to their wedding dinner in India.

Honestly, I expected more. I thought it would be much more star-studded (Hugh Grant apparently canceled super last minute) and I thought there'd be more pics of like diamond encrusted elephants giving rides to the three tenors under silk tents died in spider monkey blood or something.

Plus, that dress is something you could find in Britney's closet at Promises.

a little Freddie Prinze Jr. Jr.???

Ok, now, rumors have been circulating that Sarah Michelle Gellar & Freddie Prinze Jr. are going to have that totally long overdue child of their's, based on this picture which features SMG with a fairly overly-bloated belly for someone so tiny. Some think she was just not sucking in for a second, but I believe/pray that this is the little bambino we've been waiting for. And by "we" I mean anyone who understands that a baby puts you back on the publicity radar! Duh!

ps: I have that exact same Vix bathing suit from Bloomingdales that I just bought last month. Of course, when I wear it, it is evident that I'm not pregnant.....just "big boned"....yeah....

Mr. & Mrs. Smith take another walk

A) Has anyone noticed how Zahara is always eating? And it's always carbs? First chips, then crackers, now Cheerios..... Girlfriend's gonna get chun-ky!
B) Zahara still seems bitchy to me. Share with Shiloh, damnit!
C) OMG, how cute are Shiloh's rosy cheeks and nose???

I dont care if I play favorites. Zahara's got that whole "I'm a survivor" thing going on with her parents. Someone's gotta even the playing field.

fugly or just old?

ladies and gentlemen: Sharon Stone

Another Politician in Drag

one of my favorites...

she can use her wig if her mop falls apart....

Naomi Campbell has just recieved her punishment for throwing her cell phone at her housekeeper. Miss Thang will have to mop floors for 5 days at NY's Sanitation Dept.

+

=

JUSTICE!!!

Unfortunately, it wont be the spectacle that we experienced when Boy George had to carry out his punishment of street cleaning last summer. Miss Thang, on the other hand, will be carrying out her punishment indoors.

I hope she throws her mop at a fellow community service worker. Then she might move up to diving into the Hudson to retrieve hypodermic needles. That's where the real excitement is.

?Celebrity? Verbal Vomit of the Day

"Dean was painting doors until 2 p.m. Only hours before the gala, all the furniture was gathered in the middle of the rooms and not set out. It was sheer madness. It came down to the wire but we pulled it off." -Tori Spelling


Well, isn't that convenient mayhem for the documentation for their show on the Oxygen Network of the opening their own bed & breakfast? Chaos with only seconds to go until thousands of people pile through. What more could go wrong?!? Womp womp...

The B&B was named Chateau La Rue, after Tori's pug, Mimi La Rue. I dont know if I'd stay at an inn named after a fugly dog. I also dont know if I'd stay at an inn where there'd be theme nights with Tori & Dean (as she told People Mag).

Also, Tori totally looks ready to pop - she's due at the end of the month...and better not have the kid on my bday, Mar. 13 - and Dean looks like a sleazy used car salesman.

Boy, I sure do have a lot to say about these two crazy kids, eh?

awwww...yawn....awwwww

Boring Toby McGuire and his girlfriend, boring Jenn Meyer, took a trip to the beach with their new baby, Ruby. I must say that these pics are incredibly adorable and they really do look happy so I am happy for them.
I must, however, state that I really never understood why babies are allowed to be naked in public, or why that is socially acceptable. Just because Ruby is a baby, doesn't mean she doesnt have a bojina. And bojinas were not meant for the public or for photos (except if you're Britney/Linsay).

how come no one told ME?

Apparently, two of my most favorite actors have been dating - not secretly - and no one informed me. Somehow, I did not know. I feel used and beaten. Worthless, completely worthless.

For those of you who don't know (and likely do not have good taste in television, these are:

Jeffrey Dean Morgan (one of our Sweet Dreams from a few months ago), and

The goddess known as Mary Louise Parker

So Parker is the star of the wonderful and HIGHly rated show, Weeds (a personal favorite) and Morgan plays her deceased husband on the show (we see him in flashbacks or on home videos). Morgan also played my beloved Denny on Grey's Anatomy (another personal favorite) but Denny died...as did Morgan's other role, which was on Supernatural (not a favorite).

First of all, JDM has to frickin live on the next thing he's on (which I will watch just for him and his ridiculous hotness) and second of all, he has to marry MLP!!!! My dreams would come true!


JDM + MLP = tru luv 4-eva!

Scarlett @ Paris Fasion Week

Despite what others think, I dont hate it. I think its pretty much what the French would like from their guests...unsupported boobies and corpse makeup.....Tres Mignon!

Growing Pains: Ricky Martin

grew up to become

most likely not the end to the Anna Nicole saga

Anna was laid to "rest" on Friday. Unfortunately, both of us were MIA this weekend - Sar was in the country and I was experiencing hot clubs and the Olive Garden on 6th Ave - but here are some highlights from the spectacle that ended up being a lot less eventful than expected:

-The baby-daddies (or 2/5 of them at least) attended, of course, and apparently the media thought it was important to note what they each wore.
-The funeral, which was in the Bahamas, featured 300 guests, including Slash from Guns n Roses...yeah...for real
-pallbearers included former bodyguards as well as Anna's uncrazy lawyer
-
-Anna's mama, Vergie, tried to halt the funeral a few hours before it started by an emergency injunction to the courts, which was denied....so she attended, seeing as it was the place to be in the Bahamas
-When Vergie arrived at the funeral, she recieved a warm Bahamian welcome of boos and down-turned thumbs (in New York, another gesture would have seemed more appropriate - dont you think?)
-After the big memorial, about 30 people were present inside the green tent to watch Anna's casket be lowered to the ground, right next to her Daniel's


Additionally:

-Anna wore a custom-designed pink jeweled gown and a tiara

-Everything in the funeral had a pink theme

-Howard K. Stern delivered a freaky eulogy in which he promised/threatened to "protect" Anna even after death and that he would stop at nothing. The speech ended with some dry ice fog for effect and Howard bellowing "Muahahahahaaaaaa...."

Gwen in 50 years...

yep...these pics always make me happy....