Tobey Maguire's Secret Admirer

Dear Tobey Maguire,

No, you're not a looker. But you're kind of cute in a "I'm friends with Leonardo DiCaprio" kind of way. However, the jigg is up. This fiance of yours is fugly, everyone knows that. Even the 200 A-List actresses who attended her ridiculously phenomenal baby shower know that she's fugly with a capital FUG. And her father just HAPPENS to be the head of Universal Studios, Ron Meyer - tricky tricky. I wonder who is getting the next lead in the next Oscar-worthy film....hmmm......you are clever, Mr. Maguire, a little too clever....

Love,
You Secret Admirer