Jessica Simpson sucks at everything

Last night, Jess was singing "9 to 5" in a taped tribute to Dolly Parton and f*cked up the words, then stopped her performance short, said "I'm so nervous," and hurried off stage. The audience had no clue what was happening and didn't give any applause. Later, Jess returned to the stage will all the other stars there to honor Ms. Dolly, and Jessica was visibly in tears, being consoled by Reese Witherspoon.

Wow, you'd think that along with wearing skanky clothes and acting like dumb sluts, Papa Joe Simpson would have taught his daughters to f*ck up well. Ashlee does a hoe-down after being shown to be the fraud that she is on SNL and Jessica hurries off stage in tears. I'm really glad neither of them grew up to be surgeons because I'd want my surgeon to try to fix (or at least cover up) his mistake rather than square dance and cry.